


When You're Gone.

by Adverant



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Graphic Description, Injury Recovery, Literally only rated this way (for now) because of the reality of the themes, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Health Issues, Points of View, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Retake on the end of Season 3, Tags May Change, Therapy, very heavy plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 15:43:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18369056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adverant/pseuds/Adverant
Summary: It's funny how some trivial things can have such drastic, world-shattering, reality-altering effects on peoples' lives.At this point, everyone's minds are somewhere else. Some find it better to avoid thinking about, some can't stop thinking about it. Some can't handle it alone, some refuse to be helped. Some hold fear, some hold pity. Some hurt, some cry. The one thing that ties all their thoughts and struggles is the simple fact that they can't ever forget it, can't ever unsee it, can't ever unhear it.Kageyama tells himself it's going to get better, he knows that it's harder to believe that for others. Especially given the circumstances. Kageyama can't afford to stop now, though, so he's eagerly waiting and always... always encouraging.---Will have two "endings" to the story depending on where you want to have left it off when I'm done writing it.





	When You're Gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proceed with caution! The first chapter is just absolutely filled with implied happenings and not necessarily a whole lot of detail. Consider this a soft-start, because following chapters may (and will) be far more intricate in description. If you cannot handle the themes of Life-threatening Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or other Mental-Health related trauma and topics, this really is not the fanfiction for you. I don't like to spoil chapters when I tag, much like how a real novel only hints to the rest of the chapter in the title (if the chapter has a title at all), so if you are concerned that topics within a chapter might set you off, please either scroll down to the bottom of the page to see the end notes of the chapter for tags or press ctrl+F, and type "Trigger-tags".
> 
> This first chapter is more of an elongated Summary. The beginning notes in Chapter 2 will warn you about the main and persisting trigger(s) that are the focus of this story.

Hinata had never put a particularly large or at least impactful thought into his spiking form. He knew it'd come up eventually, if he wanted to be serious about volleyball he had to start thinking like a professional and that included about his form. But right now, he just did what felt good and got him in the air and his palm against the ball. It was the best feeling in the world, he figured if he just kept doing the same thing and it got results then his form was good. No one really talked to him about it, or anything. He just assumed if the way he moved was wrong, someone would have told him by now. It was a poor assumption to make, they probably just didn't want to mess with a good thing and risk him losing confidence or not being able to hit as well during a learning curve, when every game leading up to that moment was 'do or die'. They only had one chance to make nationals, and this was it.

Hinata may not have known much about form, after all, but he could tell when something was off before he went up. If he started his sprint on the wrong foot, he knew one step before the last. If he wasn't off balance, he'd accept that he was going to fall and brace himself. If he took one step too many he scowled at himself for the incoming call on him touching the net. So when he felt a wobble in his balance moments before he even jumped, he sighed internally and internally wondered if he wouldn't make the jump okay. He was relieved that his jump was perfect, even considering the incredible speed he had rushed to the other side of the net and then to this side. However, when he opened his eyes and Kageyama's toss wasn't where he was expecting he had practically fumbled for it just to get it over the net. It was fine, he had trained for this, Kageyama had nerves too and he was especially nervous for this. _"I am Hinata Shouyou, from the concrete!"_ It made him smile to remember that, he didn't think Kageyama had liked it, but he came to share the enthusiasm for Hinata's quip quickly. He was relieved too soon when he saw the ball go through the blockers' arms. It was only one point but every one mattered, and he couldn't have Kageyama get insecure now. They were so close!

The moment the corner of the heel of his shoe hit the waxed gymnasium floor instead of the sole of his shoe Hinata had determined that he and the floor were about to get very well acquainted. He tried to lean back so he'd safely land on his butt first, a safe way to land. It didn't seem that physics agreed with that sort of thing in these circumstances though, as his foot slipped underneath him and behind him with a shrill squeak against the floor and he flew forwards. He wasn't known to be very good at any hard thought really but he was typically much better coordinated than this. A sharp pain shot through his ankle and up his back, as he realized the miscalculation. Whether the feeling that shot up his back was from twisting his ankle and fear that he'd have to sit out of the game or dread because of what was about to happen, he never came to determine. Normally Hinata would describe spiking like this in a few simple and hard to translate sounds that always annoyed Kageyama.  _You go up like woooah, and then hit the ball like wh-bam, and it's all oooh-uuuuwaaa! Gwaah!_  This spike was different. There was the smack of his palm against the ball, the cheers of the crowd, his shoe squeaked, a scream, a crack, then silence. No, there was less than silence. There was nothing.

Takeda-sensei wasn't looking when it happened exactly, he had turned to say something to Ukai-sensei that he had long forgotten moments after it came up. He remembered hearing the squeak of volleyball shoes and it must have been the moment that the corner of Hinata's shoe touched the floor that Ukai-sensei had begun to move. He pushed himself off the bench faster than Takeda-sensei had ever seen the boys move in their games. It wasn't fast enough though, and while the referees almost commented on Ukai's inappropriate tournament behaviour, or about the informality considering they were on live television, there just wasn't time for it. Or anything else for that matter. Ukai-sensei may have been moving probably as fast as he could will himself, everything else seemed to have frozen, including Takeda-sensei himself. There was a crack, and a loud metallic ringing, but the cheering had stopped. Even Shiratorizawa had let the ball fall to the floor.

For once, he had nothing poetic to say to inspire the Karasuno Volleyball team.

The team stood stunned, unable to move from place. Kageyama stared, unblinking and barely able to breathe. He wanted to say something, anything. When Daichi had collided with Tanaka earlier in their season, he had felt much the same way, except he was well enough to stubbornly try and preserve his position on the floor even though he knew it would be better for him to be seen to. Kageyama wanted to take a deep breath and calm down, to reassure his teammates and to help Hinata up. To let his partner lean on him and scold him for the failed landing, to laugh it off, to watch Hinata silently fume from the bench at Kageyama's back when he thought he wasn't paying attention. Unfortunately, Kageyama had been paying explicit attention to Hinata. Saw him lose his balance before the jump. Saw him fumble the ball because Kageyama had tossed it too close to the net and too quickly. Saw him twist his ankle. Kageyama saw what came after.

He watched Ukai-sensei appear in his field of vision, pushing most out of their haze of shock and into panic. Suddenly it was just go, go, go, and Kageyama couldn't make himself  _go_ anywhere. He felt paralyzed. He felt a huge weight on his chest he couldn't force away with any amount of quick or heavy breathing. He felt scared. More than anything else, at the moment that Ukai stooped down to tend to Hinata, and he saw the boy's face, Kageyama felt utterly sick.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any criticism, typo-corrections, and theorizing! I love hearing what people think about my fanfics, so please feel free to leave any feedback you may have!  
> -Vera


End file.
